Raiders of the Lost Hen House: Why Canberra will pile pain on Sydney Roosters
Hudson Young versus Victor Radley versus the referees in the God box in the sky will be but one of the subtexts of a competitive round 17 fixture at Allianz Stadium on Sunday afternoon.
And so to Sunday evening and the stadium named after the French resistance and which must be written in italics, Allianz, for the round 17 fixture between home town Roosters and raiders from Canberra, and it’s dashed hard to objectively pick a winner.
Subjectively the Raiders shit it in, of course.
The Chooks are 11th, two points behind Canberra (7th), and going like busteds.
They welcome back Lindsay Collins and James Tedesco four sleeps after State of Origin, and Victor Radley from suspension, if the mad bastard plays 80 minutes it’ll be a Christmas miracle.
Another combustible fellow and bunker-magnet is prop Jared Waerea-Hargreaves. Plenty of things to like about the giant Kiwi. Ability to stay on the field is not one of those things.
Elsewhere Angus Crichton will tear off the bench, Sitili Tupouniua can run hard on an edge while the thick-bodied Butcher brothers, Egan and Nate, are capable of up guts physicality.
In the back division there is serious heat: Tedesco, Joey Manu, Daniel Tupou, Luke Keary. On paper, in form, that’s as good as any quartet in the NRL.
Why they keep losing is anyone’s guess.
One reason is that the game is played on a 116m x 68m rectangle of winter rye grass, and not on paper. And on grass, thus far, they have verily stunk up the joint.
It would confound scholars of ancient parchment why given ever-wise Sydney scribes have long since anointed Trent Robinson a ‘super’ coach, a brand that sticks to a man.
Robinson’s super answers to his team’s super slide include the selection of Sandon Smith at halfback, a 20-year-old from Kincumber Colts who’s played three games and who Waerea-Hargraves describes as “a bit of rat bag”.
So there is that.
And there is this: Hudson Young, reprising his role as chief antagonist of Maroons king-pin Daly Cherry-Evans, will go Sandon from the get-go. Wax on, wax off. Something.
Regardless. As ‘Clubber Lang’ (Mr T) told reporters ahead of his heavyweight world title fight with ‘Rocky Balboa’ (Sylvester Stallone) in Rocky III: “My prediction? Pain.”
But enough of pinheads. We win at French resistance stadium because of grunt in the middle. And the green guys - Josh Papali’I, Joe Tapine and fresh-out-of-Origin camp-only Big Red Corey Horsburgh have, you can state objectively, more clout than tri-colours Waera-Hargraves (aging), Collins (physically and emotionally drained) and Naufahu Whyte (big, baby, bench).
Elsewhere Jamal Fogarty will bomb Teddy like Belsen and our right-side chasers – Matthew Timoko, Jordan Rapana, Elliott Whitehead - will rumble him and drive him backwards, and his forwards will trot many lonely hard yards towards their own line before seeking to extract themselves from the Badlands.
And repeat. And repeat until they’re rooted and our Jack Wighton can feed Seb Kris whose quick hands can put Albert Hopoate into the corner, you can see it happening in the eye of the mind.
If they can reset and defend hard after each attacking success story they could win here by 30, true fact.
So there is that.
There is also history: we’re recent winners, by six at home in June of ‘22. Time before that was the shit-show in Mackay when Semi Valemei traded hands for feet and they whacked us 40-16 in a must-win, let us never speak of it again.
For Semi’s a Cows man now. And our boys must surely know after hard-won experience that the most dangerous time to be a Raiders man and/or fan is after scoring two, three, four tries, because no-one gives up leads like the Raiders except for the Titans and they just sacked their coach and somehow didn’t tell anyone.
Make of it what you will.
In other news, Emma’s Gift, a five-year-old bay mare trained by Keith Dryden in Canberra and owned by Ricky Stuart and my mate Mick won the Canberra Acton TAB Federal Class BM 70 handicap over 1200 metres on Friday in Canberra and 10 per cent went to Sticky’s Foundation, and the bookies paid $9.50, and she will be Horse of the Year at some horse awards ceremony, so that’s quite good isn’t it.
Yes it is.
Raiders by 10.
Up the Milk.