Raiders smote Warriors in wild and woolly weekend of sultry man action
Yes. That's right: smote. And many things happened, too.
The People!
Well! How about that for a wild and woolly old weekend of rugba league man-action, wot?
Wests Tigers robbed, Titans gouged, a bottle of water pinged at Josh Addo-Carr as he scorched away for a hat-trick, and 40 points scored in the southern end of GIO Stadium and none up the other.
Say what you will about our greatest game of all rugby league but know this: the game is a deadset kook. It’s a tub-thumper, a bunny-boiler. It desecrates walls of the asylum. It’s in Latin American ‘loco’ areas. It’s all ferocious need, tropical passion, the sultry heat of White Mischief.
She’s a funny old bird, rugby league, and no argument.
Anyway. Straight to the nub of it, Tiger people? Sorry not sorry. But if your man Asu Kepaoa doesn’t run an angle across the path of the ball and get in the way of Kyle Feldt on purpose (even if he was looking the other way, he knew, baby, he knew) then Daine Laurie just catches the ball and Feldt doesn’t fall over and nothing is doing and it’s Upset of The Year Wests Tigers yay.
Instead, what happened, fact: Kepaoa ran an escort. And you are not allowed to do that. And Feldt, cunning old buzzard that he is, played the only cards he had and came up with aces on the river, or whatever Texas Hold Em poker analogy you could fit in here, I do not like it as a hobby.
Watch it from 3:30: Kepaoa runs in field to run an escort. Collides with Feldt. Leaves Bunkerman no option.
Now, the things that happened in the hot and sexy moments between Feldt falling over, referee Chris Butler blowing time-off with a “short whistle”, the Cowboys yelling “Challenge!” (for the stopping of the game, I think), Butler referring the decision to end the game to Senior Review Offical Ashley Klein, Klein correctly ruling that Kepaoa interfered with Feldt before Val Holmes drilled the goal and won the game, have been discussed at some length, and will be.
But this: Klein got it right. And this: it is your fault.
That’s right. Your fault.
Because you, like everyone, wanted “consistency” in adjudication. Admit it you did! And this is what it looks like. And if you’re smart enough, as Feldt was, and as Adam Reynolds was against Melbourne Storm the other night, you can manipulate the game of rugby league to suit.
This is where we are. And it’s everyone’s fault. Not the NRL’s and their referees department. They just reacted to the constant baying for consistency. And thus when a defender falls over, it must be looked at. And thus when Feldt falls over with time up on the clock, our man Klein has no choice but to award a penalty, even as the world swirls madly around him.
And it was a pretty strong call from our Ash, when you think about it, given all the people who think he’s a cheat who has it in for [Team Name here]. But in the name of the omnipresent and merciless God of Consistency, it was the right one.
And this is where we are. And it’s because you shouted for consistency when what you meant was uniformity which is a thing you can’t have in rugby league because it’s so sporadic and manic and pinball wizard in nature.
Anyway. Most importantly, of course, there was the 26-14 victory to the mighty Green Machine, right? Too right, friend. After a mongrel start in which the Warriors began like good Melbourne Storm, Nic Cotric didn’t get low and go-go-go and the Steeden bounced fully off the bonce of electric rookie fullback Xavier Savage the Warriors scored two tries and led 14-0 and Twitter went all a-flutter.
But it could not hold. The Raiders didn’t have a set of six in the first 10 minutes. That wasn’t ever going to be ongoing. And when they did have equal time in possession and with decent territory - hello Captain Thunderfoot Jack Wighton! - they were always going to amass points.
And they did. Because, of course, they were playing New Zealand Warriors who are to consistently hard performance as Scott Morrison is to discussing on-water maritime matters that being when it suits them sorry not at all sorry.
Now! There is a lot to like about the Warriors. But being good at rugby league for 80 minutes is not one of them. They are … I dunno. There was a funny line in a Kiwi movie called Hunt for the Wilderpeople (the one with the funny fat kid and Sam Neill, and a character comes into a kitchen and says in the thickest Kiwiese: “Man, those Warriors are useless”, as if he’s just come from watching them play.
The Warriors aren’t useless. They are not without use. But in Canberra on the prime footy time of a fine Saturday afternoon they were there as confidence-builder for the home town Green Machine. Whether that worked I am not one hundred per cent certain, but it can’t have hurt to have realised that if you just play footy you can come back from 14 points as long as you don’t give it back to the other team not on purpose.
Funny bit: Ricky Stuart hurt his calf muscle leaping up to celebrate Corey Harawira-Naira’s match-sealing try it was funny.
And so to another Saturday afternoon fixture (we’ve been blessed with plenty) and Gold Coast Titans at CBUS Super Stadium in Robina on the Gold Coast, another must-win, should-win, probably-make-a-very-close-go-of-it-but-still-just-win game for these our Canberra Raiders, who have lost none of their enigmatic qualities, it’s in the DNA of the collective mass of humans that make up the club, it would be nice to see them put 24 points on the Titans in the first half and then 24 points on them in the second half, too, while conceding zero points and not getting injured at all, even Sticky.
Dare to dream, The People.
Regardless - until next Friday. Bye for now. Buy my book. And up The Milk!